Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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