i think my mom watched the whole time
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
