I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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