I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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