so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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