I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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