do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
