I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
