the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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