She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize