So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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