In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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