If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize