My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
