that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
