I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
