I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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