90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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