rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
