i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
