I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
