He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
