I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
