Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
