yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
