If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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