I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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