I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
