Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
