This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
