I want to have your abortion
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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