I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
