awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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