i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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