A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
