My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
