What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Randomize
