just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
