I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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