Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize