wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
