ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
