So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
