my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
