i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
