ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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