After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
