I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
