yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
