Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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