If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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