I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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