i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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