Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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