remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize