I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
