i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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