It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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