Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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