I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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