I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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