I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
