Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
