absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
