She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
