my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
