You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
