I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
