If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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