I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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