So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
