at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
