so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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