yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
