I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
