his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
