Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
