his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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