I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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