I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
