they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
