I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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