he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
