and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
