i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
