Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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